How To Greet A (single) Friend

We've either got them, or we are them.... Single Friends. I'm actually in the latter group. So, for those of you in the former group (meaning those who have "Someone Special"), here's some advice for greeting a Single Friend you, perhaps, haven't seen in a long time. Also, some secondary advice on introducing them to someone you just know will be perfect for them.

The Greeting ~ ~

It's quite alright, in the midst of the hugs and -for the ladies- squeals to ask if they've met anyone. It's a normal question and is merely meant to catch up. However please, please, if the answer is "No, not yet." do not follow up with "Why not?" I've gotten to where I tell people it's because Sean Connery is too old and Vin Diesel is no longer available, that's why not.

I mean, really?  "Why not?"

What this does is make the questionee feel like they've failed somehow. That they aren't doing something right in order to find Mr. or Ms. Right. Then they get defensive trying to come up with a good answer (sorry, Singles, the Vin Diesel line is mine, find your own!) and not come off sounding pathetic. This is not actually possible.

And it is also never a good follow up to ask "Well, are you getting out and meeting people?" And what would you have us do? Stand in front of Wal-Mart, offering to shake hands with everyone so we can introduce ourselves and maybe luck out enough to meet someone mildly interesting? (which, if you surf the 'net, you know that "interesting" and "Wal-mart" in the same sentence redefine "interesting".)

All I can tell you well-meaning Couples is, God is in control. If He isn't ready for us to meet our life-mates, we aren't going to find them by running frantically through the aisles of our local Albertson's hoping that the cute guy checking the snow peas isn't married or "other". Don't get me wrong, Singles. I'm not telling you to hole up at home and only venture out for food, work and church while you "wait on God."  Go to a class for Mediterranean cooking just because you want to learn that style of cooking, not to "meet someone." Take a course at your college in something that interests you because you want to learn about it, not to "meet someone." Volunteer at your local library, youth center, etc. because you want to help out, not to "meet someone." Doing these things will make you interesting if and when God does bring "someone" into your life. You're going to need things to talk about as the relationship progresses. Play Station 3 and World Of War Craft will only get you so far and then the conversation stalls.

"I-Have-A-Friend-I-Want-You-To-Meet" ~ ~
Now, for you who want to introduce your Single friend to another Single friend, be cautious. I'm not saying don't do it, but PRAY ABOUT IT FIRST! "Oh, but I know what I'm doing and they're both single and I just know they'll like each other and God's too busytoworryabouthissoIcantakecareofitforHim!"

I have just two words for that..... BACK. OFF.

Yes, if you have a couple of single friends you think would hit it off, that's great, but praying about it FIRST can keep potential problems to a minimum. I had an aquaintance who just KNEW that I'd be perfect for her son and got me to let her give him my (snail mail) address so he could write. You remember what I said about being interesting? Well, folks, don't be interesting by being ONLY "into" whatever they're "into." I was taking classes to become a Certified Massage Therapist at the time and, lo and behold, SO was HE! (gasp) I play one of the pianos for our church and HE works in a piano store and LOVES the piano! (gasp ~ the compatability!) I mentioned that we had recently seen a melodrama here in town where they did a goofy version of "The Mikado" and that it was interesting to me because our college had done that play (though less cat-in-the-hat-ish) and I'd helped with the make-up for it and suddenly HE was SO into plays and stuff and he even had a box of STAGE make-up! (isn't it aMAzing how much we have in common!?) Ahhhhno! No. Nonononono. (I believe I mentioned in another post that doing this kind of thing smacks of desperation, no matter which gender is doing it ~ ~ don't.... just, don't)

If you pray before you introduce, not only will you get the Lord's leading (He may want the introduction, but not for the same reasons as you) you also stop to think about whether these two might not be as compatible as you first believed. Just because two people are single doesn't mean they must be meant for each other. And, remember Couples, ask your Single Friend(s) before you plan the introduction. They may have reasons for not wanting this type of set up. After being on the receiving end of two (there was another after the aforementioned disaster.... yes, it was almost as bad but for other reasons), I've decided to tell my well-meaning Couple Friends thank you, but no. God has a plan for the life of the Single. Right now, in this Single's life, it's for me to be Single. I don't know why, I'm not God. I've pretty much come to the conclusion it's because He's decided there's just not a man on this planet that could handle me! (snerk!)

It's best not to get in the way of God's Plans, but we well-meaning, bumbling-about-out-of-love humans do this all the time. God usually just shakes His head and waits for us to give up and/or get out of the way again. He's never wrong, He's never cruel and He's never late (tho' I sometimes have difficulty with that last one, I am 42, you know!) When I taught the kindergarten thru 3rd grader Sunday school, I would tell my kids that God has three answers to prayer; Yes, No and Wait. He loves to tell us "Yes", I believe He wants to tell us "Yes", but sometimes - for reasons we may never understand this side of Eternity - He must tell us "No." We have to choose to believe this is for our good because, like I already pointed out, He's never cruel or wrong.

But, sometimes, He tells us "Wait." "Wait, it's not the right time, yet." "Wait, you're not ready, yet." "Wait just a little longer and it will be absolutely perfect for you!" Unfortunately, we humans have difficulty with both the "No" and the "Wait" answers and we try to take things into our own hands. When we do that, things get broken; broken hearts, broken lives, broken dreams. God knows our dreams, we've told Him about them since childhood. He knows our deepest heart, He listens to it daily. He wants the best for our lives, after all, He gave them to us.

So, Couples, it's okay to want to help out us Singles, there's no law in the land or Scripture against it, but just pray and ask God for His leading before you step in. God can use you to bring joy to a friends' life, but getting ahead of His plans may bring heartache instead.

Don't listen to your own heart, listen to His.